Random Misgivings

I wanted to write..and I wanted to feel optimistic while I wrote. There were nice things that I wanted to visualize, a happy cheerful family enjoying an evening tete-a-tete, a tranquil holiday in the white beaches of goa, dancing to the beats of bhangra with friends in a party or just tucking under the blanket with soft romantic music and a book in my hand…oh, the pleasures of life.

But even as I write these, I have to force myself to imagine such pleasures; things that were easy and part of my life once—why is it so difficult to visualize it today? Why are my thoughts so numb, actions so frantic, dreams so dreaded that I am unable to bask in the warmth of the morning sunshine, the coolness of the evening breeze, the love of my dear ones.

The Bombay tragedy has left a scar on my impressionable mind (Yeah I am old enough not to use this word, but my mind is still like the soft sponge which absorbs everything around). I am gullible and easily swayed. I weep for those who have lost their loved ones.

The other day on TV, after the attack, someone was talking about not imbibing children with hatred. I completely agree—but what happens to the 11 year old boy who lost his mom in the attack, the tiny tots who had to complete the final rites of their parents who were lost in the gruesome acts.

Terrorist attacks have happened before, but it was never so closer home. While I felt it before too, it was never so forceful as this time when I lived in the same city and had slowly developed a sense of oneness with people around.

This morning, as we drove to office, there was huge police presence on the roads. My mind wondered at the possibility of something horrible. I feared for the husband whose multinational bank was towered in one of the prominent office premises. As newspapers flash stories of terrorist SIMs found in Bengal, I fear for the parents who are going about their daily duties in a small town in that state. I fear for the brother, who is going to soon fly down--are airports safe anymore? I fear for the in-laws who are in transit from North India…the fact is I fear for the safety of all my dear ones, and a phone that is not reachable is enough to give me a panic attack. Is this the state that a free world should live in?

And, what with the economic crisis engulfing the minds of one and all. Can there be peace in anything anymore? I have left the job of a National Sales Head in a multinational company at the drop of a hat, moved on to a much lesser role of a Deputy General Manager – marketing, to be away from the rate race, to have a balanced life. But the insecurities that I see around me daily, the look of bewilderment and hurt that everyone seems to carry with them, the act of self defense that makes people bitchy and sycophants, the hurt, utter helplessness that seems to engulf one and all, makes me want to throw the towel and say ‘Enough is Enough.’ Let’s do something more fruitful now. Let’s not be dependent on others. Let’s chart our own independent paths.

If there is a vision, a stronger voice, it is time for the voice to speak up. It is time for someone forceful to say with utmost sincerity, ‘Yes, We Can’. If the apathy around us is not overcome, if we fear to take the bold steps today, if we are still resistant to changes, then the future of the world is indeed bleak. For the future of tomorrow, we should all act with courage now.