The Art of Small Talk

The other day I was discussing this with a friend who seemed to suffer from the same problem...in today's world, the disease that we suffer from is not only a problem, it is a serious ailment-- you see, we suffer from a condition that results in us being tongue-tied every time we meet a stranger or a far away acquaintance, desperately trying to figure out how to engage in a drawing room conversation. For me, the problem goes a step further...I not only find it difficult to hold meaningful conversations with strangers or acquaintances but also sometimes with long lost friends or relatives, where common denomination factor is at the lowest.

I don’t like giving advices unless explicitly sought, I hate encroaching on anyone's private life, I would die before asking personal questions like who the person is engaged to at a particular time, and as for discussing politics, religion or world peace, I find it a waste of time and effort, especially when I know very little of the person's inclination towards any of the above topics. Then, someone please tell me, what else could one talk about...what is required to be a good conversationalist. My friend was famously advised by her husband, that when you have nothing to talk about when you walk into a home, appreciate the interiors, talk about pets if there is one, or if you see a library and like the books that you see there, initiate a conversation on the same. Well, surely that’s a smart idea and can be used when you walk into a home, but if you meet someone on the street or the shop, or someone drops into your home, or gives you the once in a blue moon call, what do you do then? I look at my friend quizzically and give her the enlightened look which translates into ‘see, I got you there.’

As we get more inhibited, and draw definite limits on what could be discussed in public and what not, as the boundaries of acceptability gets more stringent, we are often at loss to initiate a conversation where two people don’t read the same books, or watch the same movies, work in the same socio-economic environment or meet the same set of people.

I sometimes envy people who are uninhibited and can chatter away without thinking of the consequences. Like people who don’t think twice about enquiring about your family plans or the state of your marital bliss, who cooks the dinner at home, or which side of the bed you get up in the morning…yes, I know I have exaggerated here, but believe me I am often asked such impertinent personal questions, that makes me go all red in the face.

But the fact remains that I am a very poor drawing room conversationalist and yet to master the art of holding an intelligent conversation outside the group of people who share similar interests in life, have similar hobbies or alike professions, who think and act like I do or who don’t wait to take the lead in the discussion.

With women of the same age, it is a safe bet to talk about the latest fashion or the hottest hunk in town, but what about the rest of mankind. Do we discuss books, where our choices could be completely different, or movies, ditto, or politics, which is the most controversial topic of all….pray, tell me what to do??